Regulating Your Nervous System: What It Means and How to Do It
Understanding Nervous System Regulation
Being able to regulate your nervous system is an essential part of being able to do difficult work in therapy, such as trauma renegotiation and reaching therapeutic goals. However, we often culturally talk about nervous system regulation as if it is some state in which we should always be. It is impossible to be regulated all the time, and it isn’t necessary.
The insight I will share comes from my experience as a Somatic Therapist who also uses EMDR and talk therapy. These are the lenses through which I see “nervous system regulation” and will influence some of the tips I will provide.
Check In With Yourself:
How do you feel right now, both in your body and mind? Let’s see what happens as we continue throughout the blog and into the practical tips.
What Is Nervous System Regulation, Really?
Nervous system regulation is the ability to return back to a state of balance after being activated. I like to think about it like you would your cardiovascular health. When you run or do jumping jacks and get your heart rate up really high, how long does it take for it to calm back down?
The Truth About Always Being “Regulated”
Having a “regulated nervous system” is not about being calm all of the time or being able to do deep breathing every time you are upset. There is a huge misconception out there that in order to be mentally healthy you must be in a state of total zen most of the time. This is not how we are defining nervous system regulation. Rather, I, as a therapist, am wanting my client to be able to access their “window of tolerance” with more ease and regularity.
Your Window of Tolerance and the Nervous System
The window of tolerance is another way of describing the ventral vagal state, or the part of the nervous system that we access when we are in connection with others, making decisions, problem solving, or having fun. It isn’t completely devoid of stress or fatigue, rather the stress and fatigue are manageable. You can tolerate them.
Trauma and chronic stress essentially make your window of tolerance much more narrow. It creates dysfunction in the nervous system due to being in the shut down states or the high activation states more than is desired for health. This is why many people who suffer from trauma, stress, anxiety, or depression find it hard for their nervous system to feel “regulated.”
How Somatic Therapy Supports Nervous System Healing
Somatic Experiencing is a type of somatic therapy that helps people heal their trauma by utilizing the nervous system in order to complete self-protective responses. It is a body-based modality that connects emotions, cognition, and sensation in order to not only get more information about the trauma itself but move through it.
This type of somatic therapy emphasizes the importance of stress titration in order to help people build tolerance for difficult emotions or sensations. By not avoiding feelings and making sure that the intensity of the feelings doesn’t get to be too much (by tracking, grounding, etc) the client builds greater capacity to be with the stress.
What Happens in a Somatic Experiencing Session
In a session of Somatic Experiencing, the client will most likely do several pendulations, meaning the client’s nervous system will enter the sympathetic state (fight or flight), and possibly freeze (shut down state, the dorsal vagal part of the autonomic nervous system), and then once that charge has a place to go (by doing something with the energy, like imagining running away, or flexing muscles, or saying something out loud, for example), their system can discharge the energy which brings them back down into this regulated state.
Here is a great graph of what the nervous system does in a somatic therapy session. If you’re anything like me, I like to be able to see what is happening so that I can track my nervous system a bit better.
Check In:
Which part of your system do you think you’re in now? Ventral vagal, sympathetic, or dorsal vagal? Why?
What EMDR Can Teach Us About Nervous System Regulation
EMDR is more than “eye movement therapy.” It emphasizes the importance of being able to tolerate the intensity of emotion that can come with trauma healing. That is why, before you even start to work on the difficult memory associated with the trauma, your therapist will make sure that you have specific tools to move through it with more emotional safety.
Tools for Emotional Safety Before Reprocessing Trauma
These tools help to regulate the system. They are great as a standalone practice, and when integrated into trauma recovery are incredible capacity-builders.
Here are some tools we use before starting the reprocessing part of EMDR:
Making sure you have a good way to contain the content of the memory in between sessions. This helps the person to not get overwhelmed by intrusive memories.
Finding your natural resources. What do you already do that helps you feel calm? Pet your dog? Get a hug from your partner? Dance in your living room?
Check In:
What do you do that helps to regulate your system? Hint: you already have a lot of things that you do, but you might not be thinking about them in that way. There is a big benefit in being able to identify the skills you already use regularly that you can start to use on purpose when you are extra stressed.
Therapy as a Tool for Co-Regulation
We are not meant to live on an island. We need others to be healthy in our minds, bodies, and spirits. We grow best, heal best, and think best in communities. Isolation is one of the biggest detriments to mental health.
We know that the therapeutic relationship is the most important piece of the puzzle when it comes to a client’s success. It is imperative that the client has a good, trusting rapport with their provider in order to make progress.
Why the Therapist’s Nervous System Matters Too
We all possess mirror neurons which help us to pick up on how other people are feeling, help us to learn and imitate, and also to alert us to threat responses in other’s systems. These make it so that we can feel deeply connected with others, and the therapist/client relationship is no different.
Ideally, the therapist is regulated and helps to set the temperature (so to speak) of the session. It would be highly concerning if the client started crying, shaking, or “freaking out” and the therapist did the same. Conversely, the therapist helps to create a safe container for the client by staying regulated in their nervous system in order to help the client be able to process and tolerate their own activation.
I bet you didn’t know that you are also paying for your therapist’s nervous system, did you?
Check In:
Who in your life makes you feel calm and connected most of the time?
Practical Tips for Everyday Nervous System Regulation
When You’re Overwhelmed or Anxious (Hyperaroused)
When you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious, here are some tools you can use to regulate your nervous system:
Get the Senses Involved. Smell something you like, have some hot tea, run your hands under cool water.
Orient to Your Environment: Find something around you that you like to look at or that you haven’t noticed before.
Sigh Deeply or Hum: This stimulates the vagus nerve
Gentle Movement: Try moving around or shaking to discharge nervous energy
When You Feel Numb or Disconnected (Hypoaroused)
When you are feeling numb or disconnected, here are some tools you can use to regulate your nervous system:
Move Around: brisk walk, stretching, bouncing on heels, jumping jacks
Use Cold Therapy: ice roll your face, cold compresses, splash cold water on you
Engage Your Voice: read aloud, sing, or talk to a pet
Connect: text a friend or ask for a hug (co-regulation)
How to Know If Your Nervous System is Becoming More Regulated
Here are some signs to look out for to know if your nervous system is more regulated:
You recover from stress more quickly.
You can identify what makes your stress work
You can notice sensation without assuming anything about them; knowing they’re not a threat
You can identify emotions and be with them without shutting down
Your body feels like yours; like home
You have more ability to connect with others
Check In:
How are you feeling now? If you refer back to the chart, can you identify where you are in your nervous system? Do you have any ideas on how to come back into a more regulated state if you aren’t there right now?
When to Seek Professional Help for Nervous System Dysregulation
As we talked about before, we aren’t meant to do things alone. If you are finding that you are chronically in hyperarousal or hypoarousal, then it would be beneficial to speak to a therapist about it. It would be important to mention to your provider that you have a history of chronic stress or trauma if that is the case.
Happy healing!
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Frequently Asked Questions About Trauma and Nervous System Regulation
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Nervous system regulation is the ability to return to balance after activation. It’s essential for trauma recovery, emotional stability, and managing stress. A regulated nervous system supports decision-making, relationships, and a sense of safety in the body.
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Chronic stress and trauma narrow your window of tolerance, making it harder to return to a calm, connected state. This leads to nervous system dysregulation, which can cause emotional overwhelm, anxiety, and shutdown responses.
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Yes. Somatic therapy, including Somatic Experiencing, uses body-based tools to help clients safely process stress and trauma. It builds capacity for regulation by increasing awareness of physical sensations and encouraging safe emotional expression.
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EMDR helps clients reprocess traumatic memories while staying within their window of tolerance. It includes tools like bilateral stimulation and safe place imagery to support nervous system regulation before and during trauma work.
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You recover from stress more quickly, feel more present in your body, tolerate emotions without shutting down, and experience improved connection with others. These are key markers of a healing nervous system.
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If you feel chronically anxious, shut down, or stuck in emotional highs and lows, it’s time to seek professional support. A therapist trained in somatic therapy or EMDR can help you safely move toward regulation and healing.
Stevie Olson-Spiegel is a Licensed Therapist and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner located in Kansas City. She uses Somatic Experiencing as her main body-based trauma healing modality, as well as EMDR. As an Intuitive Eating Counselor, she uses these principles to help her clients challenge their relationship with their cultural misconceptions about their body and food.
